How Transparent is Your Marriage/Relationship?

How Transparent is Your Marriage/Relationship?

Privacy is very important to some people, and a condition that is deserving of respect even in a marriage or a relationship.  But to others, privacy is something that is unnecessary in a marriage.  What is privacy really?  According to, it is the quality of condition of being secluded from the presence or view of others.   Which leads me to my next question, “Should there by privacy in a marriage or relationship?”.  Are there boundaries or limits to confidentiality in a relationship?  Many people have different views on what should be kept secret and what things should be shared in a union.  I would like to look at this idea of privacy in a marriage a little deeper to see, “How Transparent is Your Marriage?”.

Does having privacy in a relationship mean that you are hiding something?  To some, having to be transparent is a violation of their right to privacy and shows a lack of trust.  In my opinion, that is a yes and no answer.  It would seem to some (mostly women maybe) that having privacy in a marriage means that the other person is hiding something.

My husband and I attended pre-marital counseling before we got married (which I would recommend to everyone who is about to tie the knot), and one of the many good points that was mentioned was; don’t ever subject yourself to situations where temptation is present.  This is one reason I feel that being transparent in a marriage is necessary.  As much as we like to throw around the word trust, and how we should trust our spouse, I don’t think it is wise for anyone to put themselves in situations where one might be tempted.  Even if you are pretty sure you would never do anything to compromise your marriage.  Why take the chance?

Others feel “what they don’t know won’t hurt them”.  With this perspective, some might wonder “Wouldn’t you want to know what your spouse is doing?”.  I would….but those who believe this logic, would not necessarily.  I spoke with someone on the subject, and their reasoning is that they don’t want to know all the emails and texts that their spouse might get from someone of the opposite sex.  They would, however, want to know what their spouse does or reacts to such things.  Some people might have a jealous persona, for lack of a better word, where they don’t want people looking, talking, emailing or texting their spouse.  Knowing the aforementioned things could cause strife in the relationship even though the other spouse is not compromising the relationship.  This can lead to needless arguments and make for a rocky relationship.

So if you do decide to have a transparent marriage, what are the boundaries?  Do you share all your passwords with your spouse?  To your voicemail, facebook page, email, etc?  One thing that I have noticed is the growing number of shared or family emails and/or facebook pages.  I think that is a wonderful idea myself.  I think the most important thing for couples is to sit down, and actually discuss boundaries.  Find out what he or she is comfortable with.  Tell your spouse your concerns and what you both feel is healthy for your relationship.  Not one couple is the same, and what works for one will not always work for the other.  My husband and I know all each other’s passwords to everything (for us it is also a safety thing too).

So how transparent is your marriage or relationship?  I would love to hear from you and get different perspectives on the idea.

Till Next Time….Keep It Moving!

About Amber, the Hippy Fit Mom

My name is Amber Turner as you probably already know. I am passionate about health, fitness, beauty and wellness of the mind. I spent my early career interning in IT at Northrop Grumman where I learned the fundamentals of Information Technology. From there, I moved on to a career in Human Resources for the Department of the Air Force. I have a bachelor’s degree in Business and Information Technology. I am now starting my own Independent Recruiting service, where I am matching great talent with awesome jobs. I am also currently involved in creating and producing videos, radio, social media marketing, blogging, video blogging and freelance writing.


  1. My boyfriend and I are pretty transparent in discussion with each other in regards to what’s going on with our social lives and who we’ve been talking to, what about, and so on and so forth. I don’t know every detail of his social life, and he doesn’t know every detail of mine, but the important stuff definitely gets talked about on the regular.

    For me, a hard privacy boundary is my computer and my phone. I rarely ever let anyone, even my boyfriend, use my computer or my phone short of for a few minutes while I’m present. I consider these devices to be akin to a personal diary.

    Sharing passwords to major accounts like email, Facebook, IM, voice mail, etc. really weirds me out too… largely because I consider that to be an area where it could be a major breech of trust for my friends. I know if I found out that the husband/wife/significant other of one of my friends was reading along with what I was led to believe was private communication with my friend, I’d be absolutely livid.

    In the end, I trust what my boyfriend is telling me is the truth. I don’t need or want to have the transcript of every conversation.

  2. My partner and I are pretty transparent. Our phones are always left there, our passwords aren’t a secret.. we talk about A LOT. Sure we don’t know everything about every minute of the day, and usually we don’t tell eachother things just for the sake of keeping the other updated. We just love to talk to eachother about everything that happens, or that’s going on in our lives when the other isn’t around.
    Also , even though we have eachother’s passwords, I can’t remember the last time I went into one of his accounts, and he is the same. I can’t even remember the last time he even looked at my facebook page!
    He’s REALLY not interested in other people’s lives, and he knows if there is something important I need to tell him, that I will. Not just that someone from highschool sent a message saying hello.
    Overall I feel like we’ve come to a point where we communicate well.. and know what we would like to hear from the other, so if that comes up in our own lives, we will make sure to fill the other in.

    • That’s great. Like you said, I think the key is communication. What works for one might not work for others. Thanks for your opinion and perspective.

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